Admittedly, as I get into more and more conversations, I am so surprised to find the Church so gleefully asleep. Defending itself, even. Being quoted about rebellion, or live and die by the sword... and yet: also in the WORD, are we not to fight evil... On our knees and in our action?

This is the current sticking point for me, for sure. When the LAW - oh I don't know, say... having a transgender man allowed - legally - into a girl's bathroom... when a LAW is against the WORD OF GOD, isn't it then to battle? What does it take for the coziness of the American church to wake up? Am I off track or am I separating myself from those who.. see Jesus only as a soft and quiet Prince of Peace? or see that Vengeance is the LORD'S? or give unto Caesars that which is Caesars? or see that it all ends well for us believers anyway?

What then, is our role here, now, at this time on the planet when we Know God? I am a Warrior. What is my role in this time? Yes, surely share the Gospel, and surely I do. Love people, praying and wanting the best for them (Jesus) - check.

No, I mean - what do we do about the encroaching satanic policies allowing our children to be eaten up by confusion and gender dysphoria? What do we do about the destruction of the food distribution channels and deliberate shut down of the entire middle classes around the world through fear? It is all satanic, and by his hand. Just testing how far we will go with it. (People still drive with masks on! Alone in their car!) An important - and influential - mega church having segregated services to help our African American brothers and sisters feel safe? What, what, what....

What is the church doing? Am I defined by what my church does? Do I define my church by what I do?

At one church I was called a "rebellious" spirit - like the American spirit, self-righteous.

At another church I was called an elitist and a snob - like I would complain rather than choose a church.

At another church I was just ghosted. Like, too much trouble with all these questions. That hurt me the most and it was my first church. By the very special woman who baptized me.

All of this has surprised me: how quickly I have outgrown the very people I have sought out for guidance and help. Truly sought out for guidance and help. Ah, but truly I am too much trouble.

I want it all. I want Jesus:

ALL OF HIM.

I do have a rebellious spirit: I won't sing worship songs with the skinny jeans and fog machines and call it church instead of the self-help sermons they are. Sermons that don't suggest repentance and salvation or even mention the name of Jesus - over Easter!

I am a snob: I do seek - and offer - excellence in all things, from my presence with people to my expectation of teachers and guides. I am indeed relentless - for Jesus, for my salvation, for learning deeply the Word and offering it everywhere I go, all the time.

I do have a Church: Pastor Locke in Mt. Juliet Tennessee is my shepherd to boldness. He taught me that we should pray and act like Paul did, that the LORD will grant us the supernatural boldness to speak and live as He would have us do. We need this more than ever: coupled with both love and humility. (1 Corinthians 13:4–8; 1 Peter 5:6) This boldness is a light in the darkness, such as we are in now (Matthew 5:14).

Instead, it is so easy to cast me and my questions and my passions aside with the burdensome and tedious attention calling me confrontational or lacking discernment, a rash boldness leading to folly. “Every prudent man acts with knowledge, but a fool flaunts his folly.” (Proverbs 13:16) Claiming that is me is not knowing me - becase it is just too much trouble for you to chase so many questions to the truth. Instead I get Bible quips like: Boldness is no more fitting for a fool than jewels are fitting for a hog (Proverbs 11:22).

Or-YIKES - we can agree to disagree.

I never agreed to disagreed: YOU LEFT THE CONVERSATION.

Yes, Pastor Locke. Indeed, Boldness. Thank you. Thank you reading unapologetically word by word from the Bible in your sermons, no notes and flash cards. Pure Inspiration and Inspired Word. BOLD. Thank you for being a single Pastor kneeling at the steps of the Supreme Court. BOLD. Thank you for leading the way in deliverance services. BOLD. Thank you for withstanding such obscene criticism and attacks. BOLD. Thank you for wearing this shirt tonight.

BOLD