I was married to the most amazing woman I ever knew. Quite an opener for people who don't know me. Hang on.

So, it has been a year, December 2, 2021, when Pat died. When she took her huge last intake of breath and she was staring in awe, pointing, directly to Jesus. She told us all day long she had been talking to, staring at, being called by Him.

Let me write the story for the first time. I have spoken it a few times, requesting full attention and no interruptions as it is sacred to me. I spoke it first to my oldest dear friend, Anna Stewart in Colorado. I told her I was going to tell her the story of these past 20 hours and it would be the first time I tell the story. I chose Anna because she knew me for 4 decades and she knew Pat. I chose Anna because she loves me and she is a writer. I chose Anna because it is a Jesus story and I wanted her to know Jesus. I chose Anna because I wanted her to understand Pat and I had come to know Jesus. I chose Anna because I want to help her find salvation through the understanding of what happened.

Pat and I had moved to our friend Bev's house to help her, to help bring her joy, to help her want to live. After a few years we had not moved the needle to more joy and were planning on finding a way to move on into our own lives again.... and one day Bev said: MAYBE I SHOULD TRY CHURCH. And I said #WingmanforChrist -  I will go with you!

Church seeking and selection is a wonderful story all by itself - but it is another story. For this story of Pat's passing, let me say we went to a megachurch here in Louisville - Southeast Christian. The very first summer guest speaker...spoke on suicide. Bev was engaged and we met help in the Next Step Room. #Boom, we were on our way! I caught fire immediately.

Me, I realized that I had been so lazy about Jesus, thinking I was "Christian". Just as I had begun to go through the gauntlet of awakening to the plan at work in the world, the out right attack on God and Church, at the population, and well, politics. I came to understand first that I was also asleep with my liberalism..... lazy.... never really checking anything, just so sure I was right and in the right.... (ALSO another story, post, position to share. Pat and I together went through complete cognitive dissonance in 2019-2020 as our heroes fell one by one and our eyes were opened through covid and mandates and sheep herding... )

(Oh it is so hard to stay on point as it is all really part of the conversations, friends, and storyline that led me to Jesus in my life. But for now, let me say thank you again to Rick, Chad, Mark and so many friends that held their tongues for years as we worked together and I was so woke.... each of them sent me Bibles, prayers and informed me they had been asking Jesus to wake me up wake me up wake me up - how I understand this now!)

So, back to #WingmanforChrist. I caught fire for Jesus, and couldn't get enough of the Word, enough of sermons as I slowly learned discernment. (Oh another storyline I will leave for another day!!)

As I caught fire, I would come home and share with Pat. We talked all day long while Bev was at work. We would read the Bible. We would find pastors we like to listen to. We would dance in the living room in praise as it got deeper and deeper in our lives. 

Okay I think I can bring it up to a timeline now.

On September 27th 2021, Pat came into the living room and said: I think we are sinning. I don't think Jesus wants us to be in a marriage and in this relationship. I am sure of it. I agreed.
#Boom. That easy. That simple.

We went outside in the yard and - we repented our marriage. We asked God to forgive us. We laughed and hugged each other, and we said we just didn't know. We just didn't have another way to name and live the love we felt. Suddenly it was so easy and we knew we were forgiven and equally important we were free. We just knew God was laughing in Heaven and the Angels were celebrating on our behalf. It was, really, that easy and that pure.

We were redeemed and we were cool.

On November 7th, 2021 I was baptized at Southeast Christian. It was a truly great day in my life. I sat with my Pastor, Kyle Idleman, and enjoyed a fantastic talk with this kind man. I loved it. I was baptized by Tiana and well, it was a perfect day. Me, two prisoners and a 10 year-old boy.

When we left church, Pat, who was always very contained, openly and deeply wept in the car for a full 45 minutes. We just sat in silence together. We just sat in the glow of Jesus with us in the car. It was truly beautiful. We could not speak and we were so comfortable to just sit and abide.

3:00 AM On November 30th, 2021 I felt a pull at my heart to go down the hall and quietly see Pat. I mean I was called. I climbed up into bed next to her. She was wide awake. More than wide awake, she was alert. I asked her what was going on, that I felt a pull at my heart about her and come see her.... and she said calmly, "I am talking with Jesus." I said "Oh me too!"

And she, in her calm and oh-so precise way she said "No, I am looking at Him right now. He has been calling me for hours. I think it is my time."

I said, "Wha-a-t? What do you mean, your time? Are you in pain, is something going on?"  

"No", she said simply. "I am just looking at Him, calling me. He is at the River, and has His hand out and is saying over and over -  Come On."

Now Pat was not dramatic. She was not a storyteller. She was not prone to exaggeration or seeking attention. I knew immediately she meant this exactly as she shared it. I put my hand on her heart, raised my other hand and prayed out loud, quietly. "God, Your Will. We want Your Will to be done. I DO, however, have another great testimony for this story...." We prayed off and on as I dozed. Pat stayed awake as the sun rose, and we waited for Bev to leave for work.

On December 1st, 2021 Pat and I spent the day discussing her experience, and what was happening to her body. She was not ill. She was not in pain. Nothing had happened. The day before we had lunch and laughed on the very couch she passed away on, laughing about the absurdity of the 90-day Fiancé television series which we secretly enjoyed watching.

I mean, we were happy, silly, and nothing - not-one-thing - was wrong with her.

She was telling me that she felt fine, but she could tell she was breathing a little shorter. And I noticed too, ever so slightly, a reduced intake in her breathing. Not a struggle, just a shorter breath. We discussed what Jesus looked like! We discussed how He was talking to her, calling her to Him. How precious it all was. And how she was ready. She wanted to go to Heaven, and she loved that this was happening - oh, was it really happening? She never doubted Jesus for one second. Not one.

Not One.

Then we discussed Bev. How do we discuss this with Bev? Pat and I knew from 2019 we would never go to the hospital unless hit by a car and were broken all up. Bev had not found Christ, was totally reliant on Pat, and just would not understand the blessing as Pat and I both saw it. So the first thing we did was have Pat record a video for Bev to explain her story, and explain that in no way did she want to go to a hospital. That this was about Jesus, it was about Heaven. And officially, I had the legal authority to honor Pat's wishes. So we did that.

The second thing we did was I called telemedicine docs all day until I found one that did not care about shots, masks and hospital records. One who said: "I work for you. I don't care if you have had a shot or not."  SO.... we had our Doctor to make this official and easier for Bev.

Dr Jesse came over that night. When Bev got home from work I said "Surprise!! I got you 'The Chosen Christmas Movie' and your friends are meeting you there!" She was...suspicious but she went. LESS than 5 minutes after she pulled out of the drive, the Doc pulled in. (He was lovely - and we have seen each other since. This night touched his life deeply.)

Dr. Jesse did a bunch of tests, and he said simply: "If you were my mom, I would tell you not to wait til morning, not to wait 10 minutes - but get to an ER immediately. Your oxygen is at 87%"

Pat responded so coolly: "Well two things. First, we BOTH know I am not your mom. And second you are here because I won't go to a hospital, so let's go from here. I am looking right into the eyes of Jesus Christ. SO: What should I expect?"

He was stunned. He said, "Well, your organs will shut down, and there will be no pain. But you" - pointing at me, "You should expect confusion, babble, disconnected conversations and incoherence." (THAT never happened.)

He said he could prescribe steroids and some antibiotics for her lungs, but that it would not really make a difference for Patti without going into the ER and getting more extensive tests. Pat replied that it was all really for Bev's comfort anyway. That Bev would need to feel forward motion and give her something to go do. This was going to.... be too much for Bev.

Dr. Jesse left Pat's bedroom, and told me upon leaving that he had never seen anything like this. Her power was palpable. And I said it was the Lord. The call was real. The invitation was powerful, unstoppable. He hugged me and said he was flying to California the next day - but would be on with me all throughout the day by phone, and he was. He told me, she will die tomorrow. I said I know. She knows.

Again, moments after Dr. Jesse pulled out of the drive, Bev returned. Miracle this timing! She knew something was up - so the conversation and the crying and the rage and the tenderness all began for real.

Bev was upset that Pat smiled. So I took another picture.

Also, the reason Ruby is the Holding Photo in this story is because she was still brand new to us. We had to put the little gate up to keep her apart at first. And, Patti was Her Person. The second picture of her looking at the bed without Pat just broke my heart on December 3rd. Now I can see the beauty of it. I am glad I grabbed it.

As Dogs do - she got over it faster than either of us.

HERE IS PART 2