I have this entire evening and next day video taped, but after reviewing the videos tonight, I decided it exposes Bev too much, even while demonstrating Pat's calm and control in every conversation.

Bev was angry. She was caught off guard. And she blamed me, blamed Pat, and blamed Jesus all in varying degrees. She still does but she is working it out with Jesus.

AM December 2, 2021 So we got through the night. Then began a day full of a comedy of errors. I am sure Bev does not look at it that way, but Pat and I did even in real time.

First, Doc had ordered both saline and oxygen. Let's start with the Oxygen. The poor guy bringing the 02 had a series of missteps. He had to come a few times - between broken nozzles, incorrect fixtures, the wrong masks... every time he came, Pat looked at me so sweetly and kind of raised her eyebrows.... like "Isn't this funny?" Poor guy - he endured Bev's wrath, yet I was very glad there was a place for her to lodge it instead of only against me. We had started Pat with 02 with our neighbor's machine - but honestly, right to the end it was never right.

Second, the saline was to come at 8AM. Let's just say it did not come until 7PM this evening! Dr. Jesse checked in and checked on it over and over - and finally when the nurse did call...it was 5PM and she said on the speaker phone: "Hey all, just got this order, not sure what happened. But I decided to drive home first to change my clothes - I am in Indiana." THIS did not please Bev. Now Pat had been with eyes closed for a few hours now.

During the day, I have several snaps of Patty directing traffic: telling Bev and I to stay together for a year. Telling Bev to not kick me out. Telling me to help Bev through this. Telling us both to be happy. Reminding that this is the short cut to heaven, Jesus calling her directly. That a hospital would just be a delayed death for two days - two days alone. It is so poignant, as I have reviewed the videos and photos from last December 2nd.

We called Tiana from Southeast. Again a Miracle. First that she answered. Second, when I told her (Imagine how odd it was: "Pat is uh, um, dying. Right now. Yes, yes she was fine when we saw each other last week - not, her oxygen is just leaving her body. BUT Tiana! She is looking right into the eyes of Christ. He is inviting her. She has been talking with Him for 20 hours. She wants to be Baptized - can you come over?") AND IT TURNS OUT - she was in our neighborhood, around the corner, literally, at the Kroger. She was here in 5 minutes.

Noonish. It was just beautiful. Tiana was kind and brilliant and loving. Bev left the room in anguish. When Tiana was done Pat asked me to clear the room. Give her space and let her rest.

This was it, I was sure. MY Private Time with my partner, my wife, my friend of two decades. I pulled my chair right up to her bed and she did not even look my way. She squeezed my hand, twice, and said you are good honey. It is me and Jesus now. #Boom #FaithBomb #Truth

As much as ANYTHING in this day, for me, this was The Moment of real deliverance and faith. Jesus says to us that no other relationship can matter more than between Him and You. This is my testimony. This is my take away. This is my accelerator into the Fire-Burning Love for Jesus Christ that I am still burning today. I burned up all the dry wood at Southeast and have really only one friend there now. (That is another story too. In my quest for understanding I was not always patient and kind with teachers.)

That was the last verbal engagement with Patti. Fully coherent as you can see. Other times in the day she pulled me close and private, raspy breath, her lips to my ear:

Don't chase Andy. Don't chase business. Your future is in the Faith. This Faith you have. Never let it go.

And

Stay kind. Let it lead your actions.

AND

Stay with Bev for a year. She needs you.

AND

The blue bag, remember it has everything.* 

AND

 Mail that letter on my desk.**

She never for one moment lost her mind. Cogent right until the very last statement.

Hospice came at 2:00. They were wonderful - and they said we can give you morphine in case she is in pain. They said, "She is at 67% oxygen, I do not understand how she is speaking and so clear."  Clear as day Pat said to me: When you give me Morphine I will go.

So - as we are processing everything in the living room, the church leaves us. Bev is seething and crying and angry at me. A friend of Bev's comes by and is noticeably angry at me for letting this happen. She came in full gear: Booties, mask, gloves, helmet. I know she did this out of care for Pat, but she misread it all so much. It is exactly what Pat stood against. I will have to see why I feel such a need to include that in my story here.

BACK TO THE SALINE -7:00PM

The Nurse arrived around 7:00 and quickly read the situation. Pat was at 36% Oxygen. The nurse was a professional and knew what to do. She said, "Why don't we get Pat into the living room on the couch where you all can be more comfortable?" And really, before I could say I have no idea how to do that she wrapped Pat in her blanket, into a chair and scooted down the hall. #Boom. It was totally impressive, and so brilliant because in fact we could not get close enough to Pat in the bedroom, and clearly she was dying. No light in her eyes when checked. Very short breaths. 
Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

The saline. I asked her how she got her pole back... and perhaps reevaluating her initial consideration that I were an intelligent woman - she said, "Honey, well, I stay here until it's done." So much to it all I just didn't know. So much.

The Saline began at 7:00. She said it would take an hour. It did. Pat never woke.

At 8:00PM December 2nd  The nurse completed the saline and packed up. Bev wanted to give her another saline bag, and the nurse said she could not for 12 hours...  She looked at me and said I will come back at 8am tomorrow morning, call me - knowing, Pat's death was any moment. She was gracious and a strong power we needed to ground us. 

At 8:15PM December 2nd Pat on the couch, Bev has stepped into the kitchen. Pat's breathing is raggedy and very shallow. I say to her, here honey, here is some morphine as I dropped a few drops into her mouth. Within a minute, she convulsed. "BEV! Now!" and Bevvy came scooting in behind Pat to hold her where I wanted to be, I thought. But in fact, I was right directly in front of her, inches from her face as she GASPED deeply, sat up. Her EYES wide, were like headlamps! Brighter than SUNLIGHT. Beyond adequate description, these eyes that had dimmed with her breath during the last 20 hours. Now so bright I was struck in real awe.

She exhaled.

She gasped again, opened her bright alive loving eyes - 45 degrees over my head - pointed and exhaled her last breath. I am certain, looking directly in the eyes of Jesus Christ. Home. Home.

At 8:19PM December 2nd: THE IMMEDIATE AFTERMATH

* Well it turns out, when Hospice came just a second after Pat died the nurse ever so kindly waited and then asked me where I was having services. I told her I had made no plans. She said, "Well, okay, where are you planning to bury Pat?" I said we were going to be cremated. Then it struck me! "Don't YOU (Hospice) take care of the body?" She slowly shook her head. "The Coroner?" I asked.

THEN I REMEMBERED -> The Blue Bag. Over our entire relationship, we kept order of all important things. I went and found the bag and inside were 43 check off items for death in our family. Number 1: CALL NEWCOMERS CREMATORIUM we have an account there. #BoomOrganizedtotheend

The notebook gave me the orderly grace for the next three weeks til year's end to sort banking, cars, Medicare, phone contracts etc. I HIGHLY recommend this to everyone. Have passwords, bank accounts, JOINT accounts set up the right way (two names with OR in the middle, not AND...) Joint car ownership etc. Do it right. What a blessing this was for me. Kept me so calm for the next few busy weeks. Every call was so odd because it was all in 20 hours that this happened. Everyone was shocked. Every Christian understood. Most non believers (excluding Anna and close friends) just thought I was in denial and would suffer soon enough.

Not yet. Not so far. Only Joy with this testimony. Only Power with the faith she showed us all.

** That piece of mail? It was Pat's Life Insurance to be mailed!

________________________________

I have enjoyed reviewing all the videos and the pictures and trying to slow down enough to write instead of more comfortable lane of storytelling live. I have enjoyed editing for courtesy of others. I have enjoyed reliving these moments with Pat, who I loved so dearly. I have enjoyed knowing all over again just how clearly she was destined for Heaven's gate ahead of me, directly surely into the arms of Jesus. Waiting for me still.

I know she is proud of my year. I know she is saying, "Well Done." And like her, like her teaching me - I am every single day more alive with Christ and with the Holy Spirit working the Gifts... so I can help bring Bev to the Kingdom. So Anna can see what I see and choose salvation. So that I AM the ACTS church everyday.

Thank you Pat. This one, quiet life. Such an impact on me and what is yet to come. What is yet to come. I am still here, built for a time such as this. A Warrior. Thank you.