That nice little piece of Artwork is from Seanie Mendoza from Pinterest.

I am leaning into Jesus this morning, anguish trying to tear at my heart, sadness trying to overtake my thoughts - but I have learned enough, walked enough, read enough, been still enough to know...just Lean into Jesus.

And to those that don't know Jesus or say "He is not my guy"  well, they can see this as a simple bumper sticker with no meaning. No value. Nothing "real". And yet, after my opening journey, and as I clearly am entering a second phase of my discipleship and love for Jesus I cry out at this understanding of the misunderstanding because I lived there most of my life. Really not understanding the power of Jesus' love for me.

I am sitting with the sting, no the heaviness, of a recent exchange letting me know that my own story and change isn't enough to help move a heart. Still so new to this conversation, it is true it is so easy with people I do not know. People I bump into and offer to pray with them. Bold. Almost reckless in my testimony. Just like the story of Jesus. So disregarded and disrespected by his own family and friends. Why is that? How does satan achieve this deception?

And yet, I know that is ego, that is the work of the Holy Spirit, not me. My job is to plant seeds, live as a follower of Christ and continually show outwardly what that actually is.

And like so many people who perhaps awakened first with the absurd, deliberate, evil movements worldwide to control, diminish, and destroy - it took the extreme demonstration of evil to wake me up. I didn't know how lazy and how disconnected I had become as I gazed at the beauty of the ocean, or the laughter with friends, or the joy in my dog.... I thought after years of my new age Self-Focus.... that I was finding the truth(s) of life. That there is power and peace in the Universe.

Then I met the Creator of the Universe.

And I leaned in. Hard.

So now I face the exact same footprints I walked for nearly 60 years. Sure, God is cool. Jesus was a cool dude. It is religion that sucks. The Bible was written so long ago by all these men who didn't even respect women. Read it? Oh, no well I haven't "read it"....

I cannot judge or be disappointed in the lack of..... Interest. Curiosity. I mean, I think the ONE BOOK that is the most argued over, that is the most sold and the most read world wide.... the ONE BOOK that people are killed for simply having in their possession.... well, I would think that there would be enough curiosity to explore it - deeply and seriously.

But I didn't. Until I did.

And that is what lays heavy with me.

In my 45 years of serious new age self-focused pursuit... NEVER did I have one person seriously engage me about Jesus. NEVER when everyone is talking about "inclusion" and "love is love" "everybody is welcomed", and "lets talk about what brings us joy and real life change".... NEVER did it include a serious invitation to Christ. Even now - "transformation summits" and "how to find joy" blogs do not include the Power of Jesus and the transformation accepting His Love means..... unless it is "Christian". Unless it is moved aside from society mainstream and siloed.

So I never had someone say I am reading the Bible! Jesus is not what you think! It seems that that would make a difference among the friends and family I have - but, that is my ego wanting to make the difference..... but I know it is all the work and desire of God to reach someone's heart.

Culture and Mainstream anything... are in a head on collision with the Word of God. If Jesus is not your guy, then only one other is. It is so hard to believe until you" know". I get it; I lived well, I was kind, I wanted good things, I had high moral ethics....

It all feels right. My life feels directed by kindness. I feel peaceful. But until you know - you just can't know and cannot judge those who are where you have been.

It is pure spiritual warfare.

The enemy is so clever and deceitful. And oh I know how it is "nature" or "meditation" or "yoga".....that can seem to be the direction of peace and salvation. I grieve at my ineffectiveness to share the Word through my own change, through my own testimony, through my own understandings of the world and the lens of spiritual warfare for my salvation or for my block from salvation. I see it so clearly now.

How to share it effectively?

Jesus I lean in to You.

Holy Spirit I call out for Your words, and for Your comfort.

THE most amazing thing to me is that as much abuse and ig-norance as we heap upon Jesus... He cares. He loves us. He chases after us. He is chasing after our awareness of Him, to glorify Him, to lead us ever to our Salvation. It is all so Upside Down until one gets turned the Right Direction!

I can only lean in today and ask You to help me.

Choose Wisely - have no doubt -

for there IS a choice to be made. 

If Jesus is not your guy

only one other is.