So I am often stunned when people don't say thank you. I am always swamped when they say thank you over and over. I realize my struggle that I am immediate, obedient and ready to give.
I ACT.
THEN...... my very short thread with people overtakes me.

When I send money to people often just as a gift or a surprise... I have to ask if they got it. 
When I send gifts to my friends' missions - whether financial support or supplies needed - I have to ask if they got it.
This has to be a lesson of HAPPY GIVING for me...somewhere in there. Because I do love to give. And, I do give.
The seemingly lack of gratitude or even response.... does indeed bother me. So I am looking to let go of that incoming need. 

I have so many stories of almost abusive responding. Almost. Weird.
I always said when I had money - never IF - when I have money I will give and give. I have found that to be true of me.
Back when I was 20 with my entire future so long and stretched in front of me, I thought how I would be anonymous and give and give to individuals. People I came across with needs. With passions they knew not how they would feed and enjoy.

I have it part right. Now with Jesus, walking in His shadow and template of beingness.. I have so much to learn, still. Feeling unappreciated is a dismal feeling, then when I look in the Eyes of the Lord and His dying on that cross, the way He was received and treated, oh I am so humbled.

Everything I have is truly His anyway.

Yesterday an annoying new friend texted me. 
Saying she didn't want to gossip but... I like that church group but....
I told her that I was not interested in such things etc... and TRIED to be gentle.
She told me of a prayer service at RockFish Church at 6:00. My plan was to go to my joyful, vibrant church near me, all African American lovely alive worshipers - at 7:00.
I told her that was my plan.

Then she asked if she could share something that was troubling her. She needed a friend.
I sighed internally, and said call me then.

She was in tears and said she was embarrassed and didn't know who to call because everyone gossips... (see!!) but her husband left... and she was sick...missed work... didn't even have groceries in her house and didn't know what to do.
She
talks
a
lot.
Like more than me - and even worse - unfocused and complaining. 
Pure Victim.

Okay, so her husband is separated with her - she did it - because he is cheating.
Okay, more clarity. 
Still hurtful. I understand whirlwinds. Oh yes I do.
AND-BUT
I realize I can ONLY work with, even be true friends with - - people who WANT SOLUTION and to MOVE from Victim.
Very short fuse.
I was that woman when I was twenty five in Europe, learned of my rapes and the truth of my family dramas.. and I was stuck for a long time.
I don't lack compassion - but I have experience knowing - that STAYING in it - ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU KNOW THE LORD -  it eats up your life, your time, your self worth and it is a direct  -insult? - to Jesus.

So after she said the same thing a few times I said
STOP. PLEASE.
I may not be the right new person in your life to call. You are calling me because your friends from church (how I met her) you are worried they would gossip about you.

YOU NEED NEW FRIENDS.
AND

365 times in the Bible we are told, we are commanded: FEAR NOT.
So fall at His feet.

Believe in God's Impossible math: 
YOU don't know how you will buy gas for your car and your don't know how to get food - but, He Does. Call on Him.
AND, He put me on this call with you and I am a solution, directly from God. I will give you 1,000 in cash tonight. I will meet you at Prayer Group.

Okay, so right there. I was obedient. it felt all good and natural.
For some reason.. right... when I was in Indiana I took out 1,000 in cash. I had it sitting here in my room. I smiled inwardly, God teaching me over and over how we tithe, where we give, it is all From Him.
Let it Flow.
Let Him Flow.

She started to say Oh I can't... and I interrupted her and said if you say you can't accept that I will stop right here, not give it to you, and end the call because I cannot live in the drama. God has a solution right here. Not me - God. either accept HE showed up for you - or move on in your story.

Harsh?
Direct?

God did not give me the fuse to work with people who mealy mouth around about answers action and solution.... I am very clear this is not me wanting thanks or acknowledgement. I started with examples that do call a part of me of wondering why I don't feel gratitude, and why I even need it. Close friends.
This stranger, no problem.

In fact: when I met her at church she had a coffee.
I questioned her about that in my mind. And then realized if I give... I cannot control/judge what is done with it. Just let it go and do my part.

She annoyed me so badly that I had to leave right after prayer. it is a long story of complaining details with that hour. The only thing to share, to walk my own talk, is that I was convicted about my irritability with People. God's People.

God help me love Your People. Give me the tools to be at peace with my obedience and not fall short in pride. I give You thanks, right here, and every prayer, every day - I really do know it is Yours and I have No Claim.

In that impulsive, reactive, obedient moment - I am full of You and None of Me.
It is pure joy, confident action when I take that action.

It is the aftermath where I fail You so so much.
Please fill me with Your Grace in the aftermath, after the action, where I judge so much.

Lord, I am also consumptive of the energies around me so often. Not as victim, but I know I can consume all the air out of the room with what I think is an exciting or interesting storyline... I think I am paying attention. So did she last night.

My heartfelt conviction to do, be, give, share, live better. Lord my family is not Kind.
I pray to lead and live in Kindness. Help me Holy Spirit.