As I spend literally every single morning in prayer and Bible. As I spend every media moment almost in sermons or worship... I am filling with the Lord.

I am hearing the word.
I am recognizing verse.
I am finding sudden applications in the moment.

I am simultaneously growing in depth and desire for the Lord and for the Word ~ To decrease me and get out of the Way for Jesus to Increase in me through the Holy Spirit.
AND
...Finding irritability at the churches I am exploring. The "Prayer" groups I am meeting with and seeking out. The people.
I am finding the ugly sin that I do not easily, readily, and universally love God's People.

And when I go back and read through some of my first writings, I was so lost.

What a surprise to find I am lost at a much deeper level. And what a surprise to find that this particular feeling of lostness... is enveloped in the word more than the seeking of it when I was totally brand new.  .... is aware of more of God than ever before.
I have to believe this is growth.

Discernment or Self-Righteousness/Haughtiness/Pride?

Lord I fall under your authority, your very majesty: I only want to prepare the way.
I must be kind even to myself as I start and grow, restart and mature.

Lord, please do not let me fall to pride and elf-righteousness. I love You Lord.
Let me give it ALL TO YOU.
Let me not hesitate anywhere at anytime.
JESUS INCREASE IN ME.