Pastor Justin Duncan answered a prayer for me, quite literally, the Last Sunday I went to church in Indiana. The departure and the story have already been described, well as much as need be I think.

Although bullied into the conversation from a third party, out of order, I was indeed preparing for the conversation Jim and Jerri and I were to have. I honestly believe we three could not have been blessed with more grace, and kindness, and demonstration of God's love between us in a difficult conversation.

We three, all of us, acted as God directs us to act with one another.
It was, in a word, beautiful.

So Pastor Justin discussed David and Goliath that Sunday morning. I prayed deeply on the way to church with Jim and Jerri: Show me Lord how to not be afraid and what is next.

DAVID AND GOLIATH.

My glorious powerful take away that Sunday about being fearless was: I COME with A NAME. I see your swords, your shields, your big scary self (The Unknown, The Lies of Un-lovedness, Family). But me, I come with A Name.
Pastor Justin, thank you again.

I went upstairs that Sunday and read 1Samuel 17 slowly. I listened to teachers tell this story and allowed the uplift until I felt fearless. To this day, this is my action when faced with fear. Go to the WORD: Listen to teachers help me find my way. Ask the Holy Spirit.

So, I listened again this morning to Jackie Hill Perry, as she crossed, seemingly randomly (see my last post) across my feed. Right On Time.

I listened again to this talk on David and Goliath and I got so much more from it than my hurt and worry and needs would let me take in just a year ago.

I am grateful for my growth. And I am so grateful to know it never ends.

As I listened to Jackie again this morning I was riveted, again. This time not seeking solace for courage, as I were stepping into a huge unknown and fighting the lies of being unloved.
No this time... riveted by the sheer power of God.
About what faith calls in us. About responsibility.
And, about Belief.

Why didn't Samuel - the KING - who was head above all other men in Israel -  why indeed did HE not step up?
What is the factor of belief between Goliath and his big ol self.... and ruddy David?

It so struck me, this:

THE PEOPLE - Samuel - believed in themselves, so they were fearful.

^{VERSE 24-25} 
And all the men of Israel, when they saw the man, fled from him, and were sore afraid.
And the men of Israel said, Have ye seen this man that is come up? Surely to defy Israel is he come up: and it shall be, that the man who killeth him, the king will enrich him with great riches, and will give him his daughter, and make his father's house free in Israel.

DAVID - who Believed in God, and that God was With Him, as Promised.

^{VERSE 26} And David spake to the men that stood by him, saying, What shall be done to the man that killeth this Philistine, and taketh away the reproach from Israel? For who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should defy the armies of the living God?

I love seeing that... By Challenging ISRAEL, Goliath is actually challenging God. 
Learning HOW TO FIGHT: I am Human and God that is IN ME is Greater than He who is in the World. So - Let God fight His fight THROUGH me. I love this.

"To leave God out of the battle is to participate in an illusion" (25:55)

So the distinction between faithful fear, and faithless fear and how to fight. Wow what a revelation to me, once said and this time heard. This is the Fear of God, raising me above my illusions of what I may think I am afraid of, and what lies swirl around that.

Like Indiana: How I have absolutely thrived in a bigger world that both Jim and Jerri could see, ahead of me, and they held for me. It is still difficult to give credit to the bullish intruder, and I am working on it. But I can see Jim and Jerri would have helped carry me - gently - there anyway in our time and conversation. (Still and yet, it serves me as a reflection of my own bullishness and how I want stories of my interactions with people to be remembered... as kind.)

ANYWAY:
So then, How about this:

"David knew Goliath (read->Lies, satan, trickeries) had no covenant with God!" (28:00)

Goliath prayed to idols, gods that cannot hear, or see, or HELP. He trucked with the weakness of lies and idols. Wow! David knew he was with God.

^{VERSE 37} 

David said moreover, The Lord that delivered me out of the paw of the lion, and out of the paw of the bear, he will deliver me out of the hand of this Philistine. And Saul said unto David, Go, and the Lord be with thee.

So how to use my own stories and testmonies about walking with the Lord to help serve me.... To help remind me. Evidence of WHY.... I should and must and am invited to...trust God's Work through me.
Go and Be Bold.

As I listen to this deep, riveting, succinct sermon on 1 Samuel 17 again... I can see what catches me this time. I can see I am only wanting to walk with God, knowing Him, that He is with me always, as promised... that it is this which raises me above fear, this trusting and walking with God.
AND OH->

If we do not re-trace our experiences and our stories back to source, back to GOD:
We walk in Pride.

All my life until, Jesus snatched me out of my sleep, Praise God - I thought I was the clever one, roaming around the world, doing exciting business ventures, courageous and clever, having stories to tell.
But I had no true source. Always, I was scared in between stories and adventures.
Satan had hoodwinked me good, thinking I was the center of my own universe. That I was the one using positive words to create my life, so I could be the one calling forth the unseen as though it were seen, that it was I that was creating. The Pearl of Great Price. 
Becoming and Being -> Creator.
Same story, different garden.

Satan is a liar. And he got me good. Knowing in my PRIDE -> God would resist me until I could hear. Until I could quiet, be still, probably in despair, and hear Him.
David knew this! I now know this!
But I did not hear it the first time a year ago.

I COME WITH A NAME.
ALL THAT IS NEEDED.
EVER.

^{VERSE 41 -47}  
And the Philistine came on and drew near unto David; and the man that bare the shield went before him.  
And when the Philistine looked about, and saw David, he disdained him: for he was but a youth, and ruddy, and of a fair countenance. 
And the Philistine said unto David, Am I a dog, that thou comest to me with staves? And the Philistine cursed David by his gods.
And the Philistine said to David, Come to me, and I will give thy flesh unto the fowls of the air, and to the beasts of the field.
Then said David to the Philistine, Thou comest to me with a sword, and with a spear, and with a shield: but I come to thee in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom thou hast defied.
This day will the Lord deliver thee into mine hand; and I will smite thee, and take thine head from thee; and I will give the carcases of the host of the Philistines this day unto the fowls of the air, and to the wild beasts of the earth; that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel.
And all this assembly shall know that the Lord saveth not with sword and spear: for the battle is the Lord's, and he will give you into our hands.

FEAR -> referencing Dan Allendar: Fear is our response to our uncertainty about our resources in the face of danger. (37:41)

Walking with the Lord, truly, whatever am I lacking?
To die is to gain, if truly, I am walking with, listening to, and leaning in towards the Lord.
Glory. I saw it on Pat's face an inch from my own.
Can I be fearless in death?
Can I be fearless in displacement from what I thought and wanted to be my loving home in Indiana?
Can I be fearless?
I can.
My stones and my slingshot are the Lord.
I need but remember.

Thank you Pastor Justin whom I love, watch remotely, and learn from. 
Thank you speaker Jackie whom I have not yet met but learn from and turn to.
Thank you friends Jim and Jerri for the grace of your hearts and home for just a little while.

Thank you Lord for searching me and
helping me find my own courage and goodness,
through You Lord. 
Thank You.

Now I am going to go study the power of the Names we use for God, and when. 
Thank you oh Lord of Hosts, my Fighting God, to walk with me.

1 SAMUEL 17 
Now the Philistines gathered together their armies to battle, and were gathered together at Shochoh, which belongeth to Judah, and pitched between Shochoh and Azekah, in Ephesdammim.

² And Saul and the men of Israel were gathered together, and pitched by the valley of Elah, and set the battle in array against the Philistines.

³ And the Philistines stood on a mountain on the one side, and Israel stood on a mountain on the other side: and there was a valley between them.

⁴ And there went out a champion out of the camp of the Philistines, named Goliath, of Gath, whose height was six cubits and a span.

⁵ And he had an helmet of brass upon his head, and he was armed with a coat of mail; and the weight of the coat was five thousand shekels of brass.

⁶ And he had greaves of brass upon his legs, and a target of brass between his shoulders.

⁷ And the staff of his spear was like a weaver's beam; and his spear's head weighed six hundred shekels of iron: and one bearing a shield went before him.

⁸ And he stood and cried unto the armies of Israel, and said unto them, Why are ye come out to set your battle in array? am not I a Philistine, and ye servants to Saul? choose you a man for you, and let him come down to me.

⁹ If he be able to fight with me, and to kill me, then will we be your servants: but if I prevail against him, and kill him, then shall ye be our servants, and serve us.

¹⁰ And the Philistine said, I defy the armies of Israel this day; give me a man, that we may fight together.

¹¹ When Saul and all Israel heard those words of the Philistine, they were dismayed, and greatly afraid.

¹² Now David was the son of that Ephrathite of Bethlehemjudah, whose name was Jesse; and he had eight sons: and the man went among men for an old man in the days of Saul.

¹³ And the three eldest sons of Jesse went and followed Saul to the battle: and the names of his three sons that went to the battle were Eliab the firstborn, and next unto him Abinadab, and the third Shammah.

¹⁴ And David was the youngest: and the three eldest followed Saul.

¹⁵ But David went and returned from Saul to feed his father's sheep at Bethlehem.

¹⁶ And the Philistine drew near morning and evening, and presented himself forty days.

¹⁷ And Jesse said unto David his son, Take now for thy brethren an ephah of this parched corn, and these ten loaves, and run to the camp of thy brethren;

¹⁸ And carry these ten cheeses unto the captain of their thousand, and look how thy brethren fare, and take their pledge.

¹⁹ Now Saul, and they, and all the men of Israel, were in the valley of Elah, fighting with the Philistines.

²⁰ And David rose up early in the morning, and left the sheep with a keeper, and took, and went, as Jesse had commanded him; and he came to the trench, as the host was going forth to the fight, and shouted for the battle.

²¹ For Israel and the Philistines had put the battle in array, army against army.

²² And David left his carriage in the hand of the keeper of the carriage, and ran into the army, and came and saluted his brethren.

²³ And as he talked with them, behold, there came up the champion, the Philistine of Gath, Goliath by name, out of the armies of the Philistines, and spake according to the same words: and David heard them.

²⁴ And all the men of Israel, when they saw the man, fled from him, and were sore afraid.

²⁵ And the men of Israel said, Have ye seen this man that is come up? surely to defy Israel is he come up: and it shall be, that the man who killeth him, the king will enrich him with great riches, and will give him his daughter, and make his father's house free in Israel.

²⁶ And David spake to the men that stood by him, saying, What shall be done to the man that killeth this Philistine, and taketh away the reproach from Israel? for who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should defy the armies of the living God?

²⁷ And the people answered him after this manner, saying, So shall it be done to the man that killeth him.

²⁸ And Eliab his eldest brother heard when he spake unto the men; and Eliab's anger was kindled against David, and he said, Why camest thou down hither? and with whom hast thou left those few sheep in the wilderness? I know thy pride, and the naughtiness of thine heart; for thou art come down that thou mightest see the battle.

²⁹ And David said, What have I now done? Is there not a cause?

³⁰ And he turned from him toward another, and spake after the same manner: and the people answered him again after the former manner.

³¹ And when the words were heard which David spake, they rehearsed them before Saul: and he sent for him.

³² And David said to Saul, Let no man's heart fail because of him; thy servant will go and fight with this Philistine.

³³ And Saul said to David, Thou art not able to go against this Philistine to fight with him: for thou art but a youth, and he a man of war from his youth.

³⁴ And David said unto Saul, Thy servant kept his father's sheep, and there came a lion, and a bear, and took a lamb out of the flock:

³⁵ And I went out after him, and smote him, and delivered it out of his mouth: and when he arose against me, I caught him by his beard, and smote him, and slew him.

³⁶ Thy servant slew both the lion and the bear: and this uncircumcised Philistine shall be as one of them, seeing he hath defied the armies of the living God.

³⁷ David said moreover, The Lord that delivered me out of the paw of the lion, and out of the paw of the bear, he will deliver me out of the hand of this Philistine. And Saul said unto David, Go, and the Lord be with thee.

³⁸ And Saul armed David with his armour, and he put an helmet of brass upon his head; also he armed him with a coat of mail.

³⁹ And David girded his sword upon his armour, and he assayed to go; for he had not proved it. And David said unto Saul, I cannot go with these; for I have not proved them. And David put them off him.

⁴⁰ And he took his staff in his hand, and chose him five smooth stones out of the brook, and put them in a shepherd's bag which he had, even in a scrip; and his sling was in his hand: and he drew near to the Philistine.

⁴¹ And the Philistine came on and drew near unto David; and the man that bare the shield went before him.

⁴² And when the Philistine looked about, and saw David, he disdained him: for he was but a youth, and ruddy, and of a fair countenance.

⁴³ And the Philistine said unto David, Am I a dog, that thou comest to me with staves? And the Philistine cursed David by his gods.

⁴⁴ And the Philistine said to David, Come to me, and I will give thy flesh unto the fowls of the air, and to the beasts of the field.

⁴⁵ Then said David to the Philistine, Thou comest to me with a sword, and with a spear, and with a shield: but I come to thee in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom thou hast defied.

⁴⁶ This day will the Lord deliver thee into mine hand; and I will smite thee, and take thine head from thee; and I will give the carcases of the host of the Philistines this day unto the fowls of the air, and to the wild beasts of the earth; that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel.

⁴⁷ And all this assembly shall know that the Lord saveth not with sword and spear: for the battle is the Lord's, and he will give you into our hands.

⁴⁸ And it came to pass, when the Philistine arose, and came, and drew nigh to meet David, that David hastened, and ran toward the army to meet the Philistine.

⁴⁹ And David put his hand in his bag, and took thence a stone, and slang it, and smote the Philistine in his forehead, that the stone sunk into his forehead; and he fell upon his face to the earth.

⁵⁰ So David prevailed over the Philistine with a sling and with a stone, and smote the Philistine, and slew him; but there was no sword in the hand of David.

⁵¹ Therefore David ran, and stood upon the Philistine, and took his sword, and drew it out of the sheath thereof, and slew him, and cut off his head therewith. And when the Philistines saw their champion was dead, they fled.

⁵² And the men of Israel and of Judah arose, and shouted, and pursued the Philistines, until thou come to the valley, and to the gates of Ekron. And the wounded of the Philistines fell down by the way to Shaaraim, even unto Gath, and unto Ekron.

⁵³ And the children of Israel returned from chasing after the Philistines, and they spoiled their tents.

⁵⁴ And David took the head of the Philistine, and brought it to Jerusalem; but he put his armour in his tent.

⁵⁵ And when Saul saw David go forth against the Philistine, he said unto Abner, the captain of the host, Abner, whose son is this youth? And Abner said, As thy soul liveth, O king, I cannot tell.

⁵⁶ And the king said, Enquire thou whose son the stripling is.

⁵⁷ And as David returned from the slaughter of the Philistine, Abner took him, and brought him before Saul with the head of the Philistine in his hand.

⁵⁸ And Saul said to him, Whose son art thou, thou young man? And David answered, I am the son of thy servant Jesse the Bethlehemite.