I am in the midst of a stupid, wicked worldly storm that I did not bring. Yet here I am.
What happened?
All afternoon I was The Rock. I was The Calm.
I was The Christian.

The story of my awful, crazy landlord doesn't matter to me: Only me and my reaction to it. My steadiness that held so (apparently) totally...until...it didn't.

Lord, I know it is never, not ever, You who steps away from me.
At what point, at what pressure, did I yield this Peace that I know and choose to accept the brokenness of this world? This awful world I am still engulfed in this morning: My mind and my KNOWING fighting against my body, and my feelings, and my history.

I felt suddenly Angry. Unappreciated. Alone and Lonely. Misunderstood. Unheard.
And perhaps in the World's Terms... correct.
But in my New World, in my Walk with You Lord... it is all lies and I know it.

Isaiah 41:10

¹⁰ Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

Holy Spirit I have been praying all night. I am exhausted. Lord, I have called out to you all night. I am exhausted, knowing this is when You do Your very best work in me.
Why do I break?
Why do I cry?
When was the tipping point?
Why do I give any credence to the world's story?

Lord forgive me for never do I doubt You: I don't. I know You are near.
It is more that I don't accept Your invitation. Or that I turn away and want the world's sadnesses.
I do something stupid, knowing the Truth is right here, always.

Make me new, again Lord.
Let my day be marked by Your love through my words and remind me You are here, guiding me.
Being the kind Christian "backfired" on me again last night with this crazy awful broken lady. I held love towards her outwardly and inside it began to eat away. Eat away at my history. Eat away at all my stories.
I began to hate the world.
It became my truth.
THEN LORD I REMEMBERED YOU and I was ashamed.
The more we feel conviction, the quicker we feel that conviction - we know we are walking with Lord. Praise God.

I SURRENDER.
I did not even know the exact moment I became (re)captured.

Transform me fully into the person You created me to be.... to the fullness of Your power and Fellowship. I know You are right here. I trade my Fear for Faith.

THANK YOU LORD. YOUR PRESCENCE IS MY GREATEST SUSTENANCE.