Somehow I find myself going through the toughest time as a Christian I have faced. And I cannot quite put my finger on it until I hit desperation and then I can cry with a litany of things.
But to sit and write, I simply am too tired and my focus - once white hot - simply is expired and overextended.

I do not waiver in KNOWING God is with me. Never.
I also do not doubt that these doors, teasing me with openness only to shut cruelly or without any worldly sense, is easily accountable to me as God directing my path, opening and closing opportunities.

Perhaps I have gotten too familiar and comfortable with these A-MAZING stories of God using me... or Perhaps I am still self-centered in the stories, and not truly giving Him the glory.
I am unsure.
But always I am willing.

I spent 6 hours in Isaiah yesterday, from rising until 3:00. I was moved. I danced. I had deliberately not turned on phone or business or outreach or update... to stay JUST with the Lord.
I do not understand the Bible when I read it. 
I pray. I ask. I yield.
But so far, still it requires teaching. And then - oh I must select appropriate teachers.
Learning learning.

But when I am Taught! I dance! I celebrate! I activate. I absorb. I honor. I enjoy.

At 3:00 my life came crashing around me from all sides and I simply felt incapacitated. Alone. Left by any friends and wept and cried and cried to My Abba Father.

I am doing the right response, I am turning in trust to the Lord. Knowing this suffering is optional and that I exercise this option readily....

AND
I know I am improving.

But I am changed by these few days.
I am changed by Ruby growling under the bed at ME.
I am undone by the world.
I am broken all the way through.
And I am ready for You Lord.

Exhausted and with great joy and great expectation, I begin a creative adventure for my day and write my proposal for unique, innovative, ground breaking TV and Advert series to make significant change in the world.

I may be completey done with Politics.
Tell me Lord.

Isaiah 6:
Bring that Coal to MY LIPS
Burn out of me anything that is not of You Lord.
HERE am I - USE ME!

Maybe it is I to be on this great commission too, and not be concerned that they will not listen. Still and yet, pray over this woman my Landlady. For example.
Find my peace in my obedience.

Isaiah’s Commission

6 In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple. ² Above him were seraphim, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. ³ And they were calling to one another:

“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty;
    the whole earth is full of his glory.”

⁴ At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.

⁵ “Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.”

⁶ Then one of the seraphim flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. ⁷ With it he touched my mouth and said, “See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for.”

⁸ Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”

And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

⁹ He said, “Go and tell this people:

“‘Be ever hearing, but never understanding;
    be ever seeing, but never perceiving.’
¹⁰ Make the heart of this people calloused;
    make their ears dull
    and close their eyes.^[a]
Otherwise they might see with their eyes,
    hear with their ears,
    understand with their hearts,
and turn and be healed.”

¹¹ Then I said, “For how long, Lord?”

And he answered:

“Until the cities lie ruined
    and without inhabitant,
until the houses are left deserted
    and the fields ruined and ravaged,
¹² until the Lord has sent everyone far away
    and the land is utterly forsaken.
¹³ And though a tenth remains in the land,
    it will again be laid waste.
But as the terebinth and oak
    leave stumps when they are cut down,
    so the holy seed will be the stump in the land.”