I woke in the torment of the fight.
KNOWING to just give to God;
I wrestled all morning, starting with the pain of Ruby staying under Joanne's bed, not coming home to me, and then after two hours of deep prayer and weeping and chasing out lies from the enemy.... I see her in the backyard, not even coming to my door when she did get up.

Crushed.
Undone.
....as though all my prayers of salt and light, and standing in truth, and knowing any earlthy betrayal, even my dog - is nothing true compared to the Word of the Lord.

Lord how can I come undone so easily?
Lord I BELIEVE YOU when You say I am Yours.
Clearly the biggest vulnerability I still hold is alone, unloved, unchosen - all making me cry hard as I write - and all are untrue. Lies into my weakest point as the enemy knows.

I had great words, great prayer to offer up in my writing today - only to be utterly undone by my dog not choosing me.
So Sad.

My hurt is not my King.
My story is not my past.
My life is not yours, it is HIS.
Help me right now Holy Spirit, guide my thoughts, as I put on the Helmet, help me help me understand and then stand.
Help me Father, Help me Jesus, Help me Holy Spirit - Help me let go of all emotional set backs that block me form you.
Help me right now until I stand firmly in The Truth.
I thought I was until I saw Ruby without me in the back yard. Not missing me. Not choosing me.
I thought I had moved through the pain and old stories..whatever they all are that trigger me so
and then with one quick view of her, my heart broke.
Undone.
Over nothing.
Because it IS ONLY YOU I want to be Undone over.

Lord I am turning to the word.
As the tears began on the outer outer edges of my morning awarenesses... I turned readily and mightily to You. To Prayer. To Your Help.

Here I still sit.

How do I not Go Forward if You do not go.
Help me release it all Right Now.
Please God.

Let Joy Arise in me. Real Joy.

Psalm 16:1 - Keep me safe, my God, for in you I take refuge.

Psalm 38:21-22 - Lord, do not forsake me; do not be far from me, my God. Come quickly to help me, my Lord and my Saviour.

Psalm 70:5 - But as for me, I am poor and needy; come quickly to me, O God. You are my help and my deliverer; Lord, do not delay.

Psalm 79:9 - Help us, God our Saviour, for the glory of your name; deliver us and forgive our sins for your name's sake.

Psalm 86:6-7 - Hear my prayer, Lord; listen to my cry for mercy. When I am in distress, I call to you, because you answer me.

Psalm 119:153-154 - Look on my suffering and deliver me, for I have not forgotten your law. Defend my cause and redeem me; preserve my life according to your promise.

Psalm 143:1 - Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief.