So I have been overwhelmed.
By the Church - Lying.
By the Pastor - Lying right in my face.
By Local TPUSAFatih - Lying right to my face.

To every coward, weak, lukewarm "warrior" for righteousness and for the Kingdom and for the Lord... to every one of you I scream: I am determined to never be counted among you!

As I have walked through things in the campaign that have just felt "personal" to me.... I know the Lord God Almighty, the Lord of Hosts... HE is training me up for the real war. For the real outcome, which is His and His only.

I couldn't sleep well again last night: working that inner child telling her fears that her Only Job... was to Live through that next breath. Of Rape. Of Abuse. Of Neglect. Of Lies.

I share this here because it feels like abuse is everywhere.
Like everywhere I turn there are problems.
And this is no longer my truth.
THIS IS A LIE.

I have my health.
I have plenty of things, food, clothes.
I have a job or two that is for the King.
I have friends I can call.

Everything is NOT falling apart.
The world is NOT bigger and badder than my Lord.

My words have to be retained in these days.
I cried out for Scripture at 4:00 last night.

AND I HEARD:
GIDEON.

Not so much because God called and then equipped the fearful young man, Gideon. 
Not so much because he, Gideon, felt like he just could not do it (in that case, to Save Israel!)
No, I was compelled by this calling to see the scripture because of the amassed army of 32,000...to be reduced several times By the Lord.... to only 300.

If you Start at 300..it can seem like a lot. If you don't know the Word.
But to have the Lord consider and then reduce your perceived success from 32,000 to 300... THAT was what I was gathering strength from today.

This campaign, my "army", my perceived allies are all fake. All week and last week these local allies have all fallen deliberately, and quite publicly.
And I am at a loss.
An exhausted loss.

But I hear my words.
I hear I lack grace.
I know I can do better.
I know I can let go more. And give in more.

So this verse about Gideon in Kings 6 struck me perfectly:

The number, the outward appearance, the "feelings' - None of it matters.
ALL that matters is the Lord walking before me, behind me, and beside me. That HE go forth into every battle before me - and that means, every empty church event, and every conversation that calls me to discern AND have grace and forgiveness... and to let Him fight.

In this case: That He fight for Mark Lynch.
I see Mark is unflappable. A word that really covers him. And I told him so as my event was so truly thwarted publicly, from all sides.

10 hours between drive time and speaking time - for 4 people - to an unadvertised, unsupported event.
And Mark had the grace to tell me I was doing a great job. Stay the Course.

If Mark can do that - spending his money and his time away from family...
if He can do that - why not me?
And of course, if Jesus offers that steadiness in the face of absolute depravity and abuse, He is the model. Mark follows that model so much better than I.

I lose nothing.
I have everything to gain - every day. every exchange. every experience.
Noel, in a  much rougher way... gives me this same template to set up my guard rails. Hold things Loosely. Do your very best always and let go.
And Ethan, he allows me to call and just pray... while taking and understanding my "side" and my "hurt" and my "frustration"

I am surrounded by my 300 every day.
Let the Lord handle the details and the logistics and Walk Holy, Filled with Grace and Faith.

Arise, Lisa.
Arise, Warrior.
You are Called and Equipped by the King of Kings.
All that matters is that God do what He need do to me, through me, that Glory is all to Him. 

By writing today, and by studying today, and by being Obedient to the Call of Gideon at 4:00 am...
I am strong and whole. One of the times the WORD found me!

New Living Translation
The LORD told Gideon, “With these 300 men I will rescue you and give you victory over the Midianites. Send all the others home.”

English Standard Version
And the LORD said to Gideon, “With the 300 men who lapped I will save you and give the Midianites into your hand, and let all the others go every man to his home.”

Berean Standard Bible
Then the LORD said to Gideon, “With the three hundred men who lapped the water I will save you and deliver the Midianites into your hand. But all the others are to go home.”

King James Bible
And the LORD said unto Gideon, By the three hundred men that lapped will I save you, and deliver the Midianites into thine hand: and let all the other people go every man unto his place.

New King James Version
Then the LORD said to Gideon, “By the three hundred men who lapped I will save you, and deliver the Midianites into your hand. Let all the other people go, every man to his place.”

New American Standard Bible
And the LORD said to Gideon, “I will save you with the three hundred men who lapped, and will hand the Midianites over to you; so have all the other people go, each man to his home.”