How many times does He say it?

Be at peace.
Do not fear.
Cast it on Me.

It’s not a soft suggestion — it’s a holy command wrapped in an invitation. And I have to ask myself: what do I actually do with that?

Because I know what happens in me. I know when the Holy Spirit presses on me — that tightening in my chest that says, “Daughter, this anger started pure… but now pride is slipping in.” I can feel the shift, that line where righteous indignation starts getting tangled up with my own need to be right, to be seen, feeling the power of being the courageous one who finally says what no one else will say.

Right now I am in it — with churches across the state, with the political mess, with people who will lie to your face in Jesus’ name and shake your hand afterward. I am waist-deep in treachery, and just when I think, “Lord, am I actually called HERE? To this ugly, petty, public place?” — He drops something in me.
A quiet storm.
Exact words.
Clean, sharp, double-edged — point and counterpoint — and it undoes the adversary.

And I know that wasn’t me.

But let me also tell the truth: these are not people who love truth.
They may love their grandkids.
They may have best friends at church. They may have a devotional. But the way they stand is not honest.
It’s performance. It’s position. It’s image.

So then I have to ask — who am I in the middle of that?

From the woman I work with who flat-out lies…
to the woman in town I am contending with for Mark…
to the pastors who have smiled and shaded the truth…
I have not let the lie stand. I have pushed for truth. And I do feel a measure of holy success in that — like I let God temper me, like I was willing to let anyone in that circle tell the truth and I would have received it.

But I can also feel another thing.
I can feel my pride come in the side door.

When I tell the campaign, “Hey, I was in another public exchange and, again, there’s blood in the water,” I can feel it. That little rise. That “I did it again.” That “I can do what others won’t.”
That strange enjoyment of being the calm one who can slice cleanly.

And that’s the thing that troubles me — not the confrontation itself.
Because the confrontation was necessary. Private talks went nowhere. They did not want quiet correction.
They wanted to go on in duplicity.
They want to continue WAR.

What troubles me is that I like being able to do it.

There is a place for it — Noel was right: I am built for this. I am not fragile.
I can walk into hard rooms. I can speak straight.
I can call out a public lie from the “local Karen.” I can tell a so-called “bold pastor” to take off the “I AM CHARLIE” shirt if he’s not actually willing to stand in the fire like Charlie.

But I keep coming back to Jesus.

Did Jesus enjoy making that whip?

Did He smile to Himself while He braided it and thought, “Can’t wait to hit them with this”? I don’t believe so. I believe He felt His Father’s grief. I believe He felt holy jealousy for the House. I believe He waited — and when the time was full, He acted. It was right. It was balanced. It was (past?) due.
It was the culmination of long, patient allowance of dishonor. It was time.

So when it’s “time” for me — when I publicly call out a lie, or confront a pastor playing safe, or expose an ingenuine stand — I ask afterward:

“Lord… am I still moving with Your heart, or did my flesh hitch a ride?
Did I speak Your truth, or did I enjoy the swing too much?”

Because I am not Jesus.
And I know how satisfying it is to use a gift God gave me — my words, my clarity, my discernment — and wield it like a blade.
I know how easy it is for righteous anger to pick up human adrenaline.
I know how easy it is for “zeal for Your house consumes me” to quietly become “zeal for my reputation for boldness consumes me.”

But I also know this:

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”

Power — so I don’t shrink back.
Love — so I don’t crush what You’re still working on.
Self-discipline — so I know when to swing and when to be silent.

So, Lord, here’s my prayer:

• Keep giving me the sword, but keep giving me Your hand on my wrist.

• Let me confront, but never for sport.

• Let me expose lies, but never to feed my pride.

• Let me stand in public, but keep me clean in private.

• If I enjoy it too much, convict me quickly.

• If my language is elegant but my heart is gloating, burn it out of me.

• If I am called to this messy, political, church-entangled battleground — then make me Your kind of fighter.

Am I on track, Lord?
Am I speaking Your truth in these very worldly fights?

Search me.
Sift me.
Use me.

But don’t let me mistake Your authority for my ego.

Philippians 2:3

King James Bible
Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.

New King James Version
Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.

New American Standard Bible
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility consider one another as more important than yourselves;

JOHN 5:30-31

King James Bible
I can of mine own self do nothing: as I hear, I judge: and my judgment is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me. If I bear witness of myself, my witness is not true.

New King James Version
I can of Myself do nothing. As I hear, I judge; and My judgment is righteous, because I do not seek My own will but the will of the Father who sent Me. If I bear witness of Myself, My witness is not true.

New American Standard Bible
“I can do nothing on My own. As I hear, I judge; and My judgment is righteous, because I do not seek My own will but the will of Him who sent Me. If I alone testify about Myself, My testimony is not true.

2 TIMOTHY 1:17
New Living Translation
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

English Standard Version
for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

Berean Standard Bible
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control.

Berean Literal Bible
For God has not given us a spirit of cowardice, but of power, and of love, and of self-control.

King James Bible
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

New King James Version
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

New American Standard Bible
For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.

NASB 1995
For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.

So Help me Lord Fight this Fight with Forgiveness in my Heart