I was so wrapped up - Gone even - in my reading again of 1 John. I saw all my historical notes about how hard it is for me to "love" my bretheren..... Apparently I had some cute saying to myself called "flick".... meaning I flick it away because it is difficult for me. 
Maybe.
I am not sure even when I read it.
When I wrote it.

So still I am struggling with loving the average sinner. The believer who sins - like me. Like I do.
Oh I felt I had grown so much. Changed so much as I study the word.

Still seeing "flick" in all the right places where I struggle..but my struggle has lightened, right?

Um, yesterday at Thanksgiving I could barely make it through a few hours.
Reading this morning, after such a glorious, alone and silent walk in the sunrise.. yes I felt closer to God. Closer to the being God made me to be.

Hubris.

ONE text on my phone and I cuss and write something in anger.
Am I right?
Does the guy make such stupid steps and mistakes?
Does ANY OF THAT MATTER to my heart, and who I am?

Sigh.

So broken.

I cannot live here, in the sunrise, alone, all the time.

Help me anew Lord. Help me Holy Spirit.