Again I beg for help in putting down a worldy story.
I know I will get there - and the really good news is that release time is shorter and shorter. I can see my improvements and my changes as I Choose Jesus.

Oh Pride. The smallness of these wordly fights and seeming injustices.

How to be skilled and smart and flexible only to be so worn down?

My team is the focus of these current stories, but I am aware enough to know these stories are MY teaching ground. They are MY sufferings as the Lord shows me my pride and my desire to actually turn away from Him and stare into the world.

I get it.
I know it.
This writing is my exercise to do it. Live it.

At this point, as of some things that happened and I learned of last night - let me start from a standpoint of feeling like these baby boys are now outright sabotouging me.
And honestly, they are rousting Noel too.

Unfair.
Abusive.
Small Minded.

Both of us over acheivers.
Certainly the others by any category cannot be called that in this work for the campaign.

So Okay.
If edges seem srough, now....  if temperment seems short, now...it is because of the arc of time that has turned into a kind of abuse. I have hit triggers and patterns. I have run out of me.
Details don't matter, this is not a journal of my feelings.

What matters is just this one thing. 
I have run out of me.
This exercise I am in now.
This "doing" I am exercising now.

I choose the Lord Jesus.
I choose my joy FOR the Lord to guide me.
I choose to be IN the Word to find direction.

Now.

Phones off.
No coffee yet.
Quiet introspection and reflection as I learn this new tool, the power of this choice:
I choose the Lord Jesus.
Not the win of this tired, repeated skirmish in my life.
Not the justification of my righteousness.
Not the cataloging of my right-actions and good intent.

These are old solutions and patterns that keep me.... "right " - and oh how they keep me Not Looking at The Lord.
Looking a the Storm instead of The Hand outstretched over the water.
Now, I know Him.
Now, I know better.
So Now, I give myself some little grace as I learn to default and be consistent in power of this choice.

I choose the Lord.
Now. First.
Already I feel better and the argument of my righteousness drifts into the background, waiting for satan to intrude with it again.

SIMPLE:
Be a servant. Be kind. Be humble.
PUT OTHERS FIRST.

Okay so I want to live like Jesus.
I want people to see Him in me, my actions, my life.
I want to be completely guided and driven by the Holy Spirit.
Okay.
SO.... Do it. Drop it.
Read it again. and again as Joy fills my veins and I am overwrought with gratitude.
THIS is what God Gave me when I asked for help.

Philipians 2:1-5
Imitating Christ’s Humility

Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, ² then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. ³ Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, ⁴ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

⁵ In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus

It doesn't even seem hard now.
Now joy already floods through me and I am grateful that I turn to, and that I can respond to, a higher call than my pride.

God is so good.
All the time.

Philipians 2:14-18
Do everything without grumbling or arguing, ¹⁵ so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.”^[c] Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky ¹⁶ as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain. ¹⁷ But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. ¹⁸ So you too should be glad and rejoice with me.