22 Straight hours.

That is how long vertigo held me—day into night—until my world became a still, spinning room. It curbed everything in me.
I couldn’t move.
I couldn’t think.
I couldn’t even consider.
I could only listen… hear… and barely process.

And in that helplessness—between brief pockets of sleep—I kept returning to one looped refrain, like a lifeline running through my mind:

“Above all else… love.” (Colossians 3:14)

I wept, not because the words weren’t true, but because I wanted them to be truer in me.

My own prayer questioned me gently, insistently—like the Spirit turning a lamp toward my heart:

“Faith. Hope. Love… where are you longing? Where are you?”

I weep for that to be my truth.

My prayer was asking me: Faith. Hope. Love. What am I longing for.Where am I?

Have I lost Faith?
I am so sure, no.
It is temporary, this Faith: It becomes undone when I see Your face.

Do I lack Hope?
Honestly, I know that I do not.
Hope too, temporary: It dissapaites into the unecessary when promises are all fulfilled in Your Presence.

Love. 
Loving people.
Knowing I am Loved - by Him - not worrying about earthly love.
This LOVE: it existed before creation and extends into Forever. It is the only thing to carry from Here to There. From me on Earth to Alive with You in Heaven.
Love.

How do I love well?
How do I love powerfully, unashamedly, without hesitation… and then—suddenly—find myself “out of love,” as if love has a limit, a capacity, an end?
As if I have to stretch my heart like a worn cloth and hope it doesn’t tear.

The truth is hard to admit: I don’t naturally like many people.
Humanity is fallen.
And I am fallen too.
Yet I am convicted at the smallest failure, because His standard is holy—and His call is clear.

He has shown me what is good.
What does He require of me... but do justice, love mercy and walk humbly with Him.

I Know I fall short of loving first and foremost, and then sustaining that love, without bargaining, without keeping score, without withdrawing when I feel disappointed or unseen.

I Know I fall short of the...art, the practice, the possibility, the gift, the joy of... seeing as Jesus sees us all.

So what is it in me that cuts love off?

It can only be pride.
Again and again it comes back to my Pride.

Pride that wants love to be deserved.
Pride that wants to be right.
Pride that wants to protect itself.
Pride that forgets I live because I’ve been given mercy.

“While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
“We love because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19)

Lord, Father - have mercy on me.

If love is patient and kind… if it is not self-seeking… if it keeps no record of wrongs… then teach me again how to live from Your love, not merely toward others with my own fragile supply.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
(1 Corinthians 13:4-5)

Pour Your love into me until it overflows where I am empty.

(Romans 5:5) and hope does not put us to shame because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us

Hold me steady when I am weak.
Humble me without crushing me.
And make my heart like Yours—faithful, tender, unoffended, and brave.

Because “now abide faith, hope, and love—these three—
and the greatest of these is love.”
(1 Corinthians 13:13)

I don’t want to merely believe that verse.
I want to become it.

Jesus, keep shaping my heart until my love looks more like Yours.
I don’t want to love when it’s easy—I want to love like Jesus, even when it costs me.

Jesus, even though I long to love the way You do, I’m reminded that You don’t just show love—You are Love.
Your love moved You to leave Your throne, to come from the Father’s presence, and to go all the way to the cross for me. And that same love is for the ones I struggle to love too—fully, completely, and without partiality.
and.... consistantly.
Please help me Father, so that I am reflecting only You and Your nature, and not my pride.
Melt my hardness and renew the childlike softness You give me over and over, may I never stop praying for it.

Yes, Faith -> Hope -> Love:
Faith creates the path, hope sustains it, and love travels it—bringing God’s heart into everyday life. Into me.